Is creating an online dating profile, while married, considered cheating?
Posted by admin | Filed under Marriage Divorce
My husband who’s serving overseas made an online dating profile to meet Russian women. I found out and I’m extremely angry and hurt. Sometimes I feel like it’s not a big deal, but other times I feel I could divorce him for his betrayal. He even sent an email to some Russian woman asking to talk to her and telling her how gorgeous she is…meanwhile, I’m here constantly trying to make life easier for him. I stay up at all hours chatting with him (even though I’m a career woman myself), I send him a package twice a month (sometimes more), I send him messages/emails/offline IM’s keeping him up to speed on what I’m doing, I write him a letter every night…yet his excuse for making this online profile and emailing this woman is because he felt disconnected from me. How would you feel? What would you do?
May 26th, 2008 at 4:25 am
Um yeah I would say that I would feel cheated on..
May 29th, 2008 at 7:24 am
dont stay sad
divorce him if you dont have kids cuz thats cheating dude
May 31st, 2008 at 1:16 pm
id push him off a cliff
but seriously
tell him to delete it if he hasnt already!
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Yes, you obviously aren’t creating a dating profile to stay extra faithful to your lover.
June 5th, 2008 at 8:54 am
In my books that is cheating.
June 6th, 2008 at 12:08 am
i do not think thats cheating, but i do think that you should let him know how you feel.
June 9th, 2008 at 7:50 am
Yes, that’s definitely cheating. How would I feel? Betrayed. What would I do? Probably leave him, but I’m the kind of person who needs trust in a relationship and I just can’t forgive cheating.
June 11th, 2008 at 12:40 am
yes it’s cheating. i’d kick his *** and actually divorce him. he’s probably doing someone while he’s over there anyway/
June 11th, 2008 at 4:24 am
dump his ***! he is basically cheating on you. just in a more discreet way. how would he feel if the situation was reversed? you are trying your best to communicate your love for him and he is testing out the local women there? ew
June 12th, 2008 at 9:26 am
that is cheating, u should talk to him about it
June 14th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Yup, it counts as cheating.
Leave him and find someone else who doesn’t have connection issues.
June 16th, 2008 at 4:50 am
well……ahhhhh……… in most cases yes that would be cheating
But in your case: What the hell go for it!
Isnt he doin the same to you???
June 16th, 2008 at 6:16 am
put my high heel where the sun dont shine when he gets back!
June 18th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
I think it is a speed bump but that it can be overcome. The profile has to come down right away and he should sincerely apologize, but then you both can move on. However, if he and the Russian woman meet up, I think that’s grounds for a divorce.
June 21st, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Why would you create an online dating profile in the first place?
June 24th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Yes because it’s a DATING website. I would feel hurt as well, I’d talk to him and tell him to straighten up or else I’m out the door. No girl out there needs to rely on a man who hurts her. Every woman out there deserves a man who will treat her right.
June 27th, 2008 at 9:27 am
it’s hard to have a relationship that far away and i can see why hes doing it but it doesnt make it right at all. you are married and he should respect that and love you
i would confront him about it and see, he may have just been curious but i dont know why he would do it
June 28th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
um yes!!! Cheating and vey stupid. Sounds to me like you need to ditch him and move on to somebody who is local and who will love you. Why would he create a dating profile if he isnt dating?? good luck hun!
June 29th, 2008 at 4:16 am
Pretty lame if you ask me.. I wouldn’t stay with a girl if she did that to me.. But, I would imagine it gets lonely being stationed overseas without a woman.. Guys do have needs, but if he’s committed to you, then he shouldn’t mess with other girls. If he’s trying to meet girls there, it’s probably for physical purposes. You have to decide for yourself if you consider that cheating.
July 1st, 2008 at 4:01 pm
He sounds like an idiot and you probably should dump him, but wait until he gets back…Dear Johns are rough on soldiers.
July 4th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
It’s technically not cheating if he hasn’t had any sexual contact with them, or said anything to them sexually. my advice is he sounds like he’s just trying to do something while he’s gone away from you. but he’s made the wrong choice the next part is up to you.
July 7th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
yes my wife said she did it just for kicks until i found out it was getting physical when she would say i need to go hang out with friends and found out who when and were she was doing it.
July 8th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
what a ******..
July 11th, 2008 at 2:52 am
file for divorce
hes ovbiliously not happy
and un loyal
move on
theres better for you.
July 12th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Yea, I would probably consider that cheating and his ‘excuse’ was pathetic.
July 15th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
yell at him. express all ur anger. make him realise how hurt u are and how betrayed u feel. demand he takes down the profile. if he doesnt follow thru with divorce.
July 16th, 2008 at 4:08 am
I would consider it cheating or at least completely inappropriate.
July 19th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
i would feel betrayed and getting an online dating profile wont help the situation. just confront him about it….is he still overseas? Well if he is, u can send him mail of the print outs of all the things he wrote to that woman. That way he’ll feel bad about it overseas.
July 21st, 2008 at 7:50 am
I really don’t know what to say, but this is what I suggest. If you know him well enough and can tell when he is lying about something, you should confront him with all that data you have so there is no doubt that you know about that dating service and ask him what his intentions are. Then judge him by his answer
July 21st, 2008 at 2:48 pm
maybe you should send him **** messages
or take ***** pics and email them to him
make them really dirty
bet you don’t cyber with him or webcam
no wonder he’s bored and trying to find things elsewhere
July 24th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
You have a relationship problem with your husband. Don’t drag the matter for so long and sort it out with him asap.
July 28th, 2008 at 6:32 am
Does he know you know? I would tell him that you know then stop all communication with him. Unless he begged for me to take him back (and deleted that account) I would divorce the jerk. He is immature if he needs his ego stroked so much.
July 31st, 2008 at 5:31 pm
It is definitely cheating – if it is a dating profile – especially if he lies about his marital status to get female attention.Because then it just confirms his ill intent.
but if it is like a facebook profile where he does tell t h truth about being married and having kid and openly talks about him just wanting friendship – i guess it turns out well ok ! depends from person to person.
But yeah where the thing about feeling disconnected from you is concerned that sounds like plain bull * to me . I’ll tell you why -
a. because you’re doing all tht the online female would do for him plus MORE AND MORE
b. well if through the online dating profile he can connect to a total stranger then why not with his own wife.
Think about it !
August 3rd, 2008 at 4:24 pm
I recently found out that my boyfriend (of two years) hopefully my future husband had set up many accounts like this telling people he wanted to meet them/they were so sexy/wanted to have *** with them etc. Immediately, I was very hurt. I left him in the middle of the night refused to talk to him for days thinking he had cheated on me given me who knows what kind of STDs. However, when I finally talked to him he explained that he only did it because the thought of it excited him, not because he would ever follow through with it more specifically because he had no desire to follow through with it. I told him it bothered me asked him to stop he agreed. I’ve checked his email since he has stopped.
Although a little different, the moral of this story is that sometimes men do really stupid things. No, I don’t think it’s cheating, but yes I think it’s wrong very hurtful for whatever the reason. I’m saying that I hope your husband doesn’t intend to meet this woman but felt like something in your relationship was lacking he wanted nothing more than a self-esteem booster from this woman. Maybe he didn’t intend to get anything more from it ever then to just feel closer to a woman, or maybe it makes him feel dirty because he knows he shouldn’t be doing it that’s why he did it.
I would talk to him before completely overreacting like I did maybe keep some tabs on him. If he doesn’t understand why this hurt you or didn’t care, then it might be time to take more drastic steps.
I hope this helps you! Feel free to email me or anything if you’d like to talk to me more.
August 5th, 2008 at 6:33 am
He has no right to create an online profile, the fact that his mind is wondering else ware shows his true character. I was in the military and to find a woman that stands behind her husband like you do is really hard to come by (especially during a deployment). You’re a good woman and move on to someone who appreciates you. When he realizes those Russian women won’t be there for him, he’ll come crawling back.
August 6th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Why are you wasting your time being married to this BOY? He obviously doesn’t care about your feelings at all. The fact that he even admits that he’s doing this is even more disgusting than the fact that he did it.
Does he think jealousy is a good starting point for a relationship? He’s messed up. So what if he’s overseas. You’re his wife. That means you deserve respect. And what you just described is NOT respect. It’s abuse.
Stop sending him lettters. Stop sending him packages. And DO NOT answer his IMs. Stop being a wife, because He is certainly not your HUSBAND any more.
He says he felt, disconnected from you? I recognize that line…It’s called a horrible EXCUSE. (you even called it that!) Re-read your original question. The answer is already within your letter.
I do not CONSIDER him to be cheating, honey. HE IS IS IS cheating.
File the divorce paperwork tomorrow.
August 10th, 2008 at 5:27 am
I would feel incredibly betrayed. Ask him about this disconnected thing. It doesn’t sound like he feels you have disconnected from him, but that he has disconnected from you. This is one of those situations I could just scream about, when someone tells me about those poor military troops overseas. Yes, he has every intention to cheat. If this was my husband, I would probably let him know I was filing for divorce so he could pursue all the Russian women he wants without worrying about the little lady back home. He doesn’t want the responsibility of being married right now.
August 10th, 2008 at 7:11 am
That is half cheating. Why does your husband need to create a profile in such a website in the first place? As you mentioned, you chat with him daily, send him stuff, etc etc… And yet he feels disconnected? Isn’t it just his lame excuse? People join the dating website to seek for companionship. Your husband is definitely going that way.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:53 am
I would be pissed too. When he admits contacting a person of the opposite *** over the internet, I wouldn’t call it cheating, but it’s certainly not a healthy thing to be doing to help your relationship with him. To be bold and make a profile on a dating service, he’s telling other people that respond to his profile that he’s single. For him to feel disconnected from you over this situation is telling me he feels connected with other women over this dating service? Not good. I’m truly sorry, but it sounds to me like he is testing the waters for other fish. You deserve better.
August 11th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Adultery begins with the first thought. He is not being faithful to you in his thoughts. This kind of behavior leads to adultery. He should stop it completely and spends his leisure time writing you letters begging forgiveness. Not a good situation. You sound like a wonderful woman. Sorry he doesn’t see it! Perhaps he will in time. Good Luck.
August 14th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Marriage is a lot of work especially if your deployed.
He cheated on you emotionally which is worse then just ***.
It means more that he toke the time and thought everything out before hand. This wasn’t him just getting drunk and making a mistake. He did this on purpose. You have a job yourself being home with so much time thinking, worrying and taking care of your home that you share together. Crying yourself to sleep because you miss him. Paying the bills and making sure he has nothing to worry about here at home so he can pay attention to being safe over there. Plus it sounds like you get an A+ for your care packages. You have two choices. 1. Leave him when he comes back. 2. Go to counseling together. If he’s doing that over there then what is he going to do when he gets back and has more time on his hands and more options? You can’t babysit him. Life happens when we don’t want it too.
I’m sorry.
August 16th, 2008 at 5:37 am
Creating the profile is not in and of itself cheating. If he had done it as a joke with some buddies, and if he was completely detached and ignoring any responses that came of it, it would simply be a bad joke in very poor taste.
However, that’s not the core of the problem; that’s just the outer shell. The intention to use it to meet women, the fact that he is actually corresponding with women, telling them that he is attracted to them, that is emotional betrayal and yes, it’s a form of cheating.
If you felt there was distance between the two of you, and if you wanted to get rid of that distance, would you go to a singles bar and tell some stranger that he’s attractive, or would you do things with and for your husband to let him know that you’re thinking about him? You’re already sending him pieces of home life and you’re spending time with him whenever you can, so that’s not really even a question. The fact is, he’s cheating, he knows you’re upset about it, but he continues it anyway. If he weren’t half-way around the world, I would suggest couples counseling, and I bet you one of those care packages he would blow a gasket and refuse.
In your shoes, I would feel betrayed. I would feel hurt. My self-confidence would be shaken, and even if I were able to control the urge, somewhere deep down inside I’d want to lash out at him. My only advice, if you feel anything like that, is don’t lash out at him. From your words, you’ve managed to carry on with an impressive level-headed maturity. The title of your thread here suggests you question your own judgment before you question his, which says volumes. But do not confuse his hormones and bad excuses with actual reason. Do not let him pawn this off as your fault.
So the real question is, what is at stake and how much do you really want to keep it? Even if you get through this, there will be a road to recovery and when you tell him no, I do trust you, the words will ring false in your ears for a little while because trust is something hard-won, and he doesn’t seem to mind losing it all that much, which is a downright shame.
A hormonal guy is like a wild animal, so how would you feel if I… types of questions can go either way, causing him to realize what a jerk he is being, or else causing him to sink deeper into his misdeeds, which could answer your question for you. I don’t know him, and I’m not sure I’d want to, so how you approach this is up to you. Just remember … this is something he is doing, not you, and the fact that you recognize a problem is part of a solution, not part of the problem.
Take care of yourself, and ping me if you need a sounding board.
August 18th, 2008 at 7:51 am
Yes. He blew it and doesn’t value his commitment anymore. You know what to do.
August 19th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
don’t divorice him. Marriage is supposed to be forever. Even if there is problems you work on them and fix them . People now a days get divorced too much! That’s why so many families are broken up, it’s sad. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel and listen to how he feels and fix the problem. Good luck(:
August 20th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
It’s what lays in your heart. If your heart knows it isn’t quite right, it’s still cheating.
Thought = action!!
August 21st, 2008 at 3:00 pm
I’m so so so sorry, but yes it is cheating. He is probably feeling lonely, but he has to be stronger than this. I guess I am wondering how you found out about this. Because depending on how you found out would depend on how serious this is. Did he tell you?
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:17 am
He wants to hook up with someone else. It’s definitely an act of betrayal. What a creep, he’s the one disconnecting himself from you and making excuses for it.
August 25th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
How could you go along with the absurd idea that he is involved with another woman because he feels disconnected from you? Do you truly believe his behavior is justified by that ridiculous excuse….especially in light of how you do everything possible to stay connected to him. If it’s possible to talk with him in personally tell him what he is doing is not acceptable to you no matter what his flimsy excuse is. I would not mention divorce out of respect that he is serving overseas. I would make it clear that you and he have lots of things to talk about as far as where your marriage is headed when he comes home.
August 28th, 2008 at 5:19 am
Wow, that is cheating! Do not buy his lame excuse of feeling disconnected!