Hubby SECRETLY emailing his high school crush. should i do something? ?
Posted by admin | Filed under Marriage Divorce
3 months ago we were sorting out my hubby’s old school books and stuff. i saw a gal’s name repeatedly in his books. he told me he had a huge crush on her through out school yrs. we both laughed abt it and joked abt childish stuff. anyway, last month he told me that he has found that gal (his crush) on facebook. she’s a doctor now and he said he has no intentions of contacting her. i believed him. but today i found his emails. wat shud i do now? he has internet on phone so i was using his phone to check my facebook but instead his facebook opened probably coz he had checked it and it was in the history list. anyway, i saw that gal’s msg in his inbox and i got curious. on further checking, i found 5 or 6 emails exchanged between them.in the emails, it seemed like my hubby was cleverly trying to hit on her without showing much interest. like he said, you know i’ve made a group for our old school mates. why don’t you join and b the first gal there? when she didn’t pay much attention to that proposal in her reply, my hubby quickly changed his tone and in the next mail he told her he’s married. asked her if she’s married and she said she is. now i know it can be something very innocent like just trying to gather old contacts or it can be more coz he shouldn’t have been hiding it from me. since i was totally kool with the whole thing right from the beginning. i was just taking it as a cute relation and i thought it was all ok since my hubby was telling me about it all himself. but then he suddenly stopped telling me when he actually started emailing her. it’s been 2 months now. and when i asked him once, very casually, that how is that gal. he said i have no intentions of contacting her and i donno (btw he was emailing her even at that time when he lied to me that he’s not interested in contacting her)… the other thing is that, he has not contacted any other old classfellows guys or gals. why this one?? now shud i ignore it or confront him? i hope it won’t go any futher than emails, but i don’t believe in anything anymore. its hard to keep trusting someone who lies and hides stuff.
July 9th, 2008 at 6:16 am
If you feel that bad about it than you need to confront him.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:15 am
I’d probably keep tabs on the email for a while and see where it goes. If mutual interest shows up, or if it persists too long, I’d probably ask a marriage counselor or lawyer for advice.
Good Luck. I’d keep my eye on him (for ever)
July 14th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
leave it go and let that one die hes remembering his childhood but if he starts acting strange then worry but it sounds like she wasnt interested I would suggest if he does it again you would say I wonder what the guys in past life are doing fair is fair
July 16th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
I would put it out in the open that you know he contacted her (get the emails printed if you can. I imagine you share passwords?) and let him know you are disappointed in his lies.
You see, I don’t care nor does my hubby if we search for our past friends or ex’s. As long as it does not go past looky loo’s.
We are humans. Naturally curious. BUT it becomes a bad thing when one or both lie to eachother about it.
Whether he wants to just see what she is up to or if he has negative reasons, I dunno. No one here knows.
He could be embarressed and not sure how to tell you he wanted to see where she went in her life. Not sure if you would of been upset or anything of sort.
He could want to get incontact, innocently that might go beyond that eventually if old flames come back to spark.
Best way is to let him know and this will stop as loosing a wife over some old high school flame is not worth it in the end on his part if he is wise.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
if you are uncomfortable with it then you should just speak to him and confront him.
July 21st, 2008 at 2:56 pm
unfortuneatly you can not trust a lier. Once you have been lied to it takes time and alot of work to earn that back. If this were me I would divorce my husband however you sound like you are ready to keep working on your marriage.
Therefore I say you HAVE TO confront it otherwise this will stew in your for years and cause way more problems in the relationship and will eventually ruin your marriage. Do not neglect this situations there is a reason he was hiding it from you!!!
July 21st, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Tell hubby you are onto what he’s been up to, and that his lying has ruined your marriage and destroyed trust. tell him he is sleeping from now on outside the bedroom, doing ho is own laundry, cooking his own food, etc.
Tell him you will not discuss this until you are advised by an attorney in the matter. He will flip.
He will try to get you to think you are at faulty. You are not. He has indeed destroyed trust and has to learn a lesson of a lifetime.
Tell him if he persists you Wilek call the cops on him oft harassment.
Let HIM come up with the idea of marriage counseling, which you will say you do not think he is serious but was ACTH. Make it hard for him. He has tried to find the is woman for more than innocent reasons. Go Art least 6 months without having sex, no kissing, and feel separated from him under one roof.
If in counseling he breaks down and ad mists he was wrong, and you get the feeling eventually he was only curious and act red stupidly,. well then,. try to regain the trust.
If you already trust him again, there is something inside you not operational and you yourslef need a good psych evaluatiuon….
July 23rd, 2008 at 8:01 pm
You need to ask him, as you say that it was found when you were not snooping. I chat with several females on line but the wife knows that I am doing it.
He is stupid to loose your trust over something like this.
July 25th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
my opinion is it was an innocent just emailing. But I think you should tell him you found the emails and see what he says. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
July 28th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Confront his lying A!! He sounds like a sneaky, lowlife filthy slimy worm. If there is one thing I can’t stand it is a liar. I would love to know how he responds when and if you do confront him. I bet you I could tell you. Oh honey you are over reacting. I love you she was just an old crush. she means nothing to me. I was just curious and I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you would react this way. ETC… You need to take a stand with him now and let him know that you are not going to tolerate this deceitful behavior. Stop his nonsense before it goes any further.
July 28th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
What is stopping you from asking him? I would ask. I would be hurt also, who wouldn’t be?
July 30th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Well, look at what your snooping has got you. Your husband is doing nothing wrong, and now you’ve got yourself worked up in a huge paranoid frenzy full of insecurity. Grow up, let it go, and move on with your life.
On the other hand, i hope he goes and has a fling with this woman. He probably needs a release after having to deal with a snooping wife.
August 3rd, 2008 at 1:53 am
I would confront him about it. I was on the opposite side a few years back. My husband ex from high school was emailing him constantly. He shared the emails with me and we laughed at them. She was/is married with 2 children. Of course he was active duty then and we lived in Italy and Alaska at the time, however when we moved back home and she continued to email him. I decided enough was enough. I sent her an email telling her I was sick of, how over the years it had been a joke to us to read her desperate email over an over. But now it needed to stop or I was going to forward them to her husband. They stopped.
Confront him let him know how it makes you feel. He’ll probably get upset thought so be prepared, but you still need to let your feeling be known.
August 6th, 2008 at 3:15 am
if my partner did that to me then yes i would be upset and curious as to what is going on
the only thing i can suggest you do is sit down with him and tell him that you stummbled across the emails from his crush while checking your own emails and see what he has to say, try and not loose your temper when he tells you that your are over reacting as this will only make things worse
hope all turns out well for you and good luck