How do I approach this sticky situation with a friend who has stricken me from his list? ?
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I was looking for a house to buy. A friend had a house for sale that seemed pretty nice and the friend was struggling financially. We worked it out that I would try to buy the house for a certain price to keep my friend from getting into further financial trouble. The price was below what he owed so I had to work it out with the bank. In the meantime to help him out with the payment, I moved in and paid rent every month. He did not keep up on the payments, he spent the money on everything but the mortgage payment. While I was in the process of negotiations with the broker and mortgage company I found out that the house was going through foreclosure. The bank would not budge on their asking price. I was concerned that I would not be able to come to an agreed upon price for the house, the place would be foreclosed on and I would be out of a place to live so I looked around for other places to buy because it did not look like anything was going to happen with this deal. I found a place that was almost the same as my friend’s place. There was no negotiation with this house. It was nearby and had the most of same things that I was looking for in a house, some things were even nicer than my current place. The market was good, interest rates down, and I made an offer that they accepted. I told my friend and he immediately became mad at me because he said that I had agreed to buy his house and that would keep him from destroying his credit. He became really upset with me and our 15+ year friendship was on the rocks. He decided that he did not even want me around and stopped emailing me and did not call me anymore. He did not invite me to his son’s christening, his son and daughter are my God children!
I am very worked up about this. We have mutual friends and have been friends for a long time. I was only trying to help out a friend but when things were not looking promising, I had to take advantage of the market and what was in front of me.
Do you think that I am wrong to consider this person my friend when he won’t even allow me at his home or children’s events because I did not buy his house?
How can I communicate with him without apologizing? I don’t feel that I did anything wrong.
He keeps saying that we were supposed to be friends and that he can’t understand how I could go and buy something else when he is a friend and going through a hard time. He has a huge house, beautifully furnished, three kids, new cars, toys, trips. He cannot afford the second house because he does not take care of his current financial obligations before taking on luxuries. I just feel that the blame is being placed squarely on my shoulders when I am just a tiny fraction of the entire equation? Am I wrong?
I just want to know what to email him without apologizing. I am not sorry that I was taking care of myself and my family first.
Thanks,
Sandford
October 12th, 2008 at 12:42 am
If he cannot understand you don’t feel you can afford the bank’s asking price, then that is his problem. Isn’t he basically going thru the same thing, not being able to afford it himself.
That’s why they say never mix business with friends or family. Crap like this happens.
Hopefully once he realizes he was wrong to put that kind of pressure on you, he’ll come around. And if he doesn’t, well…hopefully the friendship was good while it lasted.
No, I do not believe you were wrong at all!!!
October 15th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Only thing you can do is write him a letter and tell him what you said in your question basically. I may have let him know about the other place before I went ahead and did it, that was kind of sneaky on your part since you said you did offer to purchase his house. Although his mess up was just wrong so sounds like the situation he had envisioned wasn’t going to be. Especially since he spent the rent/mortgage money on other luxuries, I can’t blame you one bit. Tell him this but don’t be a jerk about it and tell him you want a truce. He isn’t innocent and so I’d say he needs to get over his mistakes and move on, he should quit holding a grudge. Call a truce and see if he responds. If not, you tried and somehow move on. People do this all the time. Good luck and hope you guys can just call it a scratch and save your friendship, life is too precious! Tell him that also.
October 18th, 2008 at 10:08 am
move on.
isnt he a fool?
arnt you right?
only if you feel guilty then try to reconcile and then start with an apology.
if you feel NO guilt, and he is in the wrong, why do you care anyway?
dont do business with friends or family.
P.S. my guess is you are no longer trusted with money let alone his kids.