How can you trust your husband when he has lied to you and has been emailing and texting another woman?
Posted by admin | Filed under Marriage Divorce
My husband and I have known each other for over 3 years, we’ve been married 6 months. We met online. We chatted for over 2 months before we met in person. When we first started dating seriously I assumed he stopped communicating with other women online. Wrong! There is at least one women that he would email back and forth, send pictures back and forth and talk sexual to. I confronted him once when I found an email. He said it wouldn’t happen again. Then just yesterday I was looking at his old cell phone to find an address of a friend and found some text messages from the same women. They were only a month old and its been several months before when I confronted him the first time. He says he is sorry and feels really bad for hurting me, but I just don’t know if I can trust him. I know he loves me, but why isn’t that enough? I’m so confused!
March 3rd, 2009 at 6:14 pm
If he truly loved you that much he would not be doing what he is doing. Get rid of the bum asap.
March 6th, 2009 at 3:30 am
If he can’t control himself after only six months of marriage…..I would **** to see what would happen after several years of marriage. It is hard enough to trust someone, but when they betray our trust for whatever reason…..It is really hard to ever regain it again.
March 9th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
wow…this sounds just like my mom and her problems with her husband the answer is u cant trust him….my mothers husband has cheated several times and she knows if he has done it once hell do it again but she doesn’t care and shes still with him today so i cant tell you how to deal with it but i will give a little advice always assume that something is going on or that he will do it again.
March 12th, 2009 at 7:52 am
Mine was the same…lying about **** and hiding it instead of chatting with other women. And the **** he was looking at wasn’t even legal. Anyway, he told me 4 times AFTER the first time I caught him, he’d never do it again. Guess what, not only is he still doing it, he has a password on all his stuff so I can’t check behind him. Doesn’t’ matter anyway, since I am filing for divorce. After that many lies and broken promises, the trust can never be regained. Even if I did stay, I will ALWAYS wonder what he is doing when he gets on the computer…especially with it password protected. He loves me, too. But love is about trust, honesty, respect and communication (with you…not other women). Without those, there is nothing.
March 15th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
Sometimes men can be pigs and this is why I am reluctant on getting married. It’s something legal and binding, I mean there is divorce but I don’t really believe in it. I’m getting married in two weeks to a man I met online. Just sit down and talk to him, thats what I did with my soon to be hubby. Hypothetically tell him to put the shoe on his foot and ask him how it would feel if you were doing that. I mean if he continues #1 who knows where it could lead and #2 your marriage doesn’t mean anything to him.
March 17th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
you wont be able to trust him again…trust me i been there. i mean yall can try counseling but it wont work…this situation is going to get worst…if not now, it will be later.
good luck.
March 20th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
you probably can’t trust him. sounds like he is addicted to her or vice versa.
March 22nd, 2009 at 4:05 am
If you want to trust him make him earn your trust. No email, no text on cell, and no messenger. . . . .. .If he loves you he would get rid of it all.
March 24th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
If i were you, i’ll insist that he make a clean cut else i walk out. There is no way any women can tolerate this. I found my husband texting a colleague with caring messages and i am still observing. Will confront him once i have sufficient evidence. No point saying he loves me while doing s’thing else. I chose to rule with my head.
March 27th, 2009 at 8:21 am
I would circumnavigate your husband and e-mail this woman yourself. That way for your own piece of mind you know it has been done and he just isn’t telling you that it has been done. I know trusting his word will be hard enough.
I would tell her directly that he is married now and you don’t really appreciate her contacting your husband.
Then I would tell him to get a new phone number, new e-mail and to cut all ties with all woman other than women you know and that are friends of yours (collective). That way you know in the future if this is THEM contacting him or HIM being an active participant. If they don’t know the new info then he would be the only one to give it to them. Which means it would be ongoing.
If he is unwilling to do any of this and make excuses for why he can’t then I would tell him all the reasons that you can’t condone it and that you can’t continue to be in this marriage.
Having sexual conversations with anyone, for any reason, by any means, other than your spouse is cheating in my book.
Having a friend that you don’t feel comfortable telling your spouse about is almost always a warning sign that there is something no good about the friendship.
March 30th, 2009 at 12:16 am
What he’s doing is form of cheating whether the relationship with the other woman has gotten physical or not. Your married 6 months and he’s already cheating? What’s he going to be doing after 10 years and there is much less of a spark between you two. I say get the marriage annulled and move on.
April 1st, 2009 at 10:34 pm
I’m thinking about the sexual content. if he said it wouldn’t happen again? he may not be the one sending messages. if he has then he can’t be trusted!
April 5th, 2009 at 12:43 am
probably thats a part of his nature .. jus try to make sure that he is happy someway or the other…
regards
Sameer Shaikh
April 6th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
My bet is that this other woman is an ego boost for him. He’s probably not going to cheat on you with her, but texting and talking to her makes him feel better about himself somehow. Maybe she makes him feel like he’s **** and desirable. Maybe she makes him feel smart and funny. Whatever it is, she is fulfilling something that you aren’t.
Talk to him about why he likes to talk to her. Find out why he feels the need to have her in his life. Whatever it is he is getting from her, you need to know so that you can either replace her by doing it yourself, or find a happy compromise where he can keep his friend without hurting your feelings with the sexual comments and picture sharing.
April 7th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Girl ,I have been there , The thing is if there is no trust theres no marriage. If he loves you he will stop. People these days just have no family morals anymore. Women and men online talk and find comfort in talking to each other , They may not have wrong intentions but family members end up getting hurt. Good Luck !
April 10th, 2009 at 1:36 am
He is obviously being less than honest. and she may not even be aware of the fact that he is married. I would sit with him at the computer while he tells her it is over and he is now married and off limits. And that should be the end of it. It he refuses to stop with his behaviors then you know what you have to do, move on. Good luck and God bless****
April 10th, 2009 at 7:57 am
He is not going to change. He keeps saying that he is sorry but obviously he doesn’t mean it because he is still communicating with the other woman. Divorce him…you can do better.
April 12th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
I also met my husband online, and like you I have been married for six months. We lived together for a year prior to getting married. We are doing great at this moment, however initially it was a different story. We moved in together after he proposed. I would occasionally walk in on him closing out his email. Then one day he only minimized it and forgot about it…..because we women are so anxious and worry about cheaters…I checked the minimized window. There was an email from someone he met online about the same time he met me, and he was still chatting with her.
I was pissed!!!! I told him to email her right there and then and inform her you are engaged and you wish to no longer have contact with her…he was angry with me …only because i caught him….he did do as I had asked…changed his email address and bought a new computer…..(new computer was overboard) I had also seen photos of other women his friend would send him…..I stopped that crap to. I told him, look if you want to marry me this childish behavior has to stop…and if you are too weak of a man that I am not good enough for you…then I will leave. I was serious. I did not need to have to worry about that going into a marriage. Marriage is hard enough with feeling like you are competing for his attention all the time with internet women.
I **** to say it…he needs an ultimatem. You or them. He needs to be a man about it also. Since that explosive day it has been great…and we have both given our passwords to our email accounts etc…..even our work email passwords….if he has nothing to hide then he will gladly do this for you….and if he says something to the effect of…I need my privacy…..bullcrap…you are his wife…..no secrets.
I wish you the very best…but you have to put a stop to this now or it will only get worse. Also remember him saying he is sorry……that too only goes so far….(its only a word unless it is followed by some type of action)….if he meant he was truly sorry then he would stop.
You will always be on your gaurd now…but if does stop….then you will begin to relax alittle and enjoy the marriage.
PS: CONTACT HER YOURSELF
April 13th, 2009 at 9:52 am
I wouldn’t trust him at all. Sounds like he is still playing the field and he is not being respectful of your marriage. Get out now!
April 13th, 2009 at 11:54 pm
It is not enough for him to just love you. If that were the case, then many more marriages would succeed. And I do not think that you can trust him right now, so stop trying. He has lied to you and has cheated, at least emotionally. He should not be communicating like this with other women. I know how you feel. My ex husband did this same thing. I eventually left him because he eventually had an affair with one of these women whom he had been talking to online. Stop trying to make excuses for him and realize that you may be married to a liar and a cheater. In that case, you will just have to decide if you can live like that. I know I couldn’t.